Murder case
blonde walks into the police department looking for a job. The captain says they can’t just turn her away, and orders the desk officer to ask her a few questions as if doing an interview. To just ‘play along’ and humor her.
Not having any idea what to ask her to disqualify her application, the officer asks, “What’s 2+2?” “Ummm… 4!” the blonde says. Dang, the officer thinks, so tries a harder one: “What’s the square root of 100?” “Ummm… 10!” the blonde says.
“Good!” the officer says, deciding to switch from math to history. “OK, who killed Abraham Lincoln?” “Ummm… I don’t know,” she admits. “Well, you can go home and think about it,” he says, “and come back later and tell me what you’ve figured out.” He figures that’s the last he’ll see of her.
The blonde goes home and calls up one of her friends, who asks her if she got the job. “Not only did I get the job,” the blonde says, “but I’ve already been assigned to a murder case!”
Pretend we are married
A man and a woman who have never met before find themselves in the same sleeping carriage of a train. After the initial embarrassment,they both manage to get to sleep, the woman on the top bunk,the man on the lower.
In the middle of the night, the woman leans over and says, “I’m sorry to bother you, but I’m awfully cold and I was wondering if you could possibly pass me another blanket.”
The man leans out and, with a glint in his eye, says, “I’ve got a better idea….let’s pretend we’re married.”
“Why not,” giggles the woman.
“Right”, he replies. “Get your own fucking blanket.”
Beer Turns Men into Women
Yesterday, scientists for Health Canada suggested that men should take a look at their beer consumption, considering the results of a recent analysis that revealed the presence of female hormones in beer. The theory is that drinking beer makes men turn into women.
To test the finding, 100 men were fed six pints of beer each. It was then observed that 100% of the men gained weight, talked excessively without making sense, became overly emotional, couldn't drive, failed to think rationally, argued over nothing, and refused to apologize when wrong. No further testing is planned.
IN CHEMISTRY, HE TURNED WATER TO WINE, IN BIOLOGY, HE WAS BORN WITHOUT THE NORMAL CONCEPTION, IN PHYSICS, HE DISAPPROVED THE LAW OF GRAVITY WHEN HE ASCENDED INTO HEAVEN. IN ECONOMICS, HE DISAPPROVED THE LAW OF DIMINISHING RETURN BY FEEDING 5000 MEN WITH TWO FISHES & 5 LOAVES OF BREAD, IN MEDICINE, HE CURED THE SICK AND THE BLIND WITHOUT ADMINISTERING A SINGLE DOSE OF DRUGS, IN HISTORY, HE IS THE BEGINNING AND THE END; IN GOVERNMENT, HE SAID THAT HE SHALL BE CALLED WONDERFUL COUNSELOR, PRINCE OF PEACE, IN RELIGION, HE SAID NO ONE COMES TO THE FATHER EXCEPT THROUGH HIM;SO. WHO IS HE?HE IS JESUS!JOIN ME AND LET'S CELEBRATE HIM; HE IS WORTHY.THE EYES BEHOLDING THIS MESSAGE SHALL NOT BEHOLD EVIL, THE HAND THAT WILL SEND THIS MESSAGE TO EVERYBODY SHALL NOT LABOUR IN VAIN.
