- Get up earlier (after only two snooze button moves).
- Take a shower before someone else uses all the hot water (being sure to use the proper shampoo and conditioner especially designed for fine, color-treated, want-lots-of-volume hair).
- Shave or Veet legs, armpits and other areas on an as-needed basis.
- Pumice stone feet and check cuticles, finger and toe nails.
- Apply various face elixirs; one for the pre-application, one for tightening pores, one for concealing laugh lines, one for treating potential blackheads, one for fuller lips, another for radiant eyebrows and eyelids and still another for camouflaging those darn circles beneath the eyes. While you're at it, the new MAC potion for Egyptian cheekbones. Every application has its own proprietary technique, complete with proprietary brushes, hooks, swabs and cotton ball thingys.
- After moussing, spraying, scrunching, blowing and arranging your hair, visit the panties and bra shrine (be sure they match in case of a car accident or mid-afternoon lovemaking session with your significant other). The tough questions must be answered. Will it be push-up, miracle, or natural? Will it be lace, Lycra or cotton? Will it be thong, full or slimming?
- Now start part three of the morning ritual, the trip to the Closet of "I Have Nothing to Wear!" Search for the perfect ensemble of clothing and shoes to match your flawlessly painted face. Hundreds of designers scream for your attention. And none of the shoes are even comfortable ... but they make you ankles look thinner and pay for your foot doctor's retirement. Somehow you'll ignore the blisters, lack of circulation and bloodied heels. After all, shoes make the world complete!
